Babes, money, mascots and marketing

The Sydney Morning Herald announces Andrew Johns's signing © SMH

Up and Down Under You can't help but feel that Twenty20 might not be regarded with the solemnity reserved for the longer forms of the game, and that was reinforced when New South Wales unleashed a plan - described by a colleague as "taking the p***" - which will see Rugby League legend Andrew Johns playing two Twenty20 matches for them. Johns has played club cricket but no more. Underlining his credentials, Johns said he planned a few warm-up matches for his club side "if their selectors can find a spot for me in the fourths or fifths". Reacting to this blatant marketing wheeze, Cricket Australia took the stuffy moral high ground. "We don't believe it is appropriate, we think Twenty20 is an exciting format which should stand on its own two feet by using regular cricket players," a spokesman said. A bit of pot-and-kettle-black syndrome when you remember it was CA who came up with the plan to add daft and often manufactured nicknames to players' shirts in the competition last season. You might recall, that the board also banned Aaron Bird from using his first-choice nickname - Flu - not on grounds of taste but because it might have offended the tournament sponsors, KFC. And as for Johns, what seemed like a good idea might have lost some of its appeal when he heard the reaction of fast bowler Shaun Tait . "You're fair game," he warned Johns. "If the game's for points then it's hell for leather isn't it? If he is happy to play he has to be happy to take the heat."

Money, money, money Refreshing honesty from the Indian board secretary Niranjan Shah at the launch of Cricket Star, a thrilling new reality TV show aimed at finding the next Sachin Tendulkar. When asked why the BCCI were endorsing the programme, which is made by Investors In Cricket (IIC), Shah's response was crystal clear: "They are paying us." A feeling that this venture might not be all it seems was also provided by IIC's Fraser Castellino, who told bemused journalists that the programme would serve as a selection trial for the board and the winner would be fast-tracked into the national side. Although Castellino later qualified that statement, he then said that the winner would also receive a year's expenses-paid contract with Leicestershire, which some would argue is more of a punishment than a prize. Coincidently, IIC run the commercial arm of ... Leicestershire, so swinging that part of the deal might be easier than convincing the selectors of the merits of replacing Anil Kumble with a spotty attention-seeking teenager who will probably win the public vote. More entertaining will be the situation when a 62-year-old grandmother from Chennai is voted in by mischievous viewers.

Sugarbabes: they rock the ECB © makepovertyhistory.com

Band aid
Those wild rockers at the ECB have loosened their ties and underlined their street credibility by revealing that Sugababes ("Europe's top selling girl band") will be this year's musical attraction at Twenty20 finals day in August. That marks a massive change in musical direction following on in the footsteps of ... er ... Atomic Kitten (2003), Liberty X (2004) and Girls Aloud (2005) - spot a pattern, with a rather distinct lack of male singers (not to mention talent, but then again they only mime the wretched songs anyway). Now, in no way is there any implication that the fine marketing men at the ECB are a bunch of old letches, but there is a sneaking feeling that those making the decision may have been in earnest consultations with their pre-pubescent daughters about what was "groovy and trendy". In previous years, the performances have been greeted with almost complete indifference, but that hasn't detered the ECB one bit. A passing thought ... among the last major acts to play The Oval before Girls Aloud last summer were Hawkwind and Frank Zappa. How times change.

Rock it, man This is the summer where cricket grounds have been rocking. Elton John has played several venues, including Hove and Taunton, while his performance at Chester-le-Street led to Durham being dispatched to Stockton where they were defeated and got an ECB pitch inspector's slap on the wrists for good measure. The Foo Fighters played Old Trafford last week, hence the scuffed-up outfield during this week's ODI. But bad news for the beleaguered Hampshire chairman Rod Bransgrove who faces losses of around £1 million after two concerts at The Rose Bowl - Pavarotti and Billy Joel - have proved less than outstanding box office, with less than a third of tickets sold. To Hampshire's relief, but not those of their insurers, Pavarotti pulled out earlier this week on medical grounds. One senior writer rather unkindly observed that Hampshire is fast becoming a home for overweight prima donnas.

The game of the name The first sign that the dreadfully artificial creation of the marketing men (if we seem to be having a go at these types, we are), nicknames for the English counties, might be heading towards the scrapheap came with the revelation last weekend that the ECB has surveyed media organisations and asked for their views on the naming situation and were told almost unanimously that they were daft. The final straw seems to have been Surrey's brilliant decision to switch from being called The Lions to the Surrey Brown Noses ... er ... Caps. That brought it home that few had any idea what each county was nicknamed, and so a rethink is on the cards. But before anyone gets too excited, all that means is that hoards (collective noun suggestions welcome) of marketing types will be set loose with the aim of devising more daft schemes to justify their existence.

The lion sleeps tonight On a more serious note, there has been a high-profile casualty of Surrey's rebranding. Roary the Lion - loved by children and drunks, who found him a slow-moving target - has been made redundant. Roary's career in the last couple of years has been as chequered as John Prescott's (although less of a burden on the taxpayer). In 2004 he was roundly booed by the crowd at Trent Bridge, escorted from the outfield by stewards and then disqualified from the mascots' race for wearing running shoes rather than comical lion's feet, not to mention gaining extra streamlining by removing his head (we are talking Roary here, not Prescott). Surrey, however, mothballed the lion without actually considering a replacement, and so they are out of this year's mascots' race. But we are assured that a really cuddly ... brown cap ... will be having them rolling in the aisles in Kennington this time next year.

Huang Jianxiang: Richie Benaud he ain't © Cricinfo

China crisis As China's increasing domination of world sport continues - much to the delight of the money men who can smell the potential lucre of such a massive market - it was hardly a surprise that Malcolm Speed almost fell off his chair in delight at the news that the Chinese Cricket Association is hoping that by the end of next year there would be 30,000 players, 600 coaches and 600 umpires in the country. Speed, however, should be careful what he wishes for. After constant headaches caused by countries getting in a lather about playing in Zimbabwe because of that country's dire human rights record, the last thing the ICC needs is people taking the same stand against China, whose record is equally poor. But faced with a choice of money or morals, there is little doubt which one will win out among the bosses of national boards.

Put a sock in it, Huang One commentator who might not be invited to join Richie and company if China do make it to cricket's big time is Huang Jianxiang of Central China TV. When Italy beat Australia with a (dubious) last-minute penalty in the World Cup earlier this week, he could contain himself no longer and yelled: "Long live Italy, I don't like Australia". Makes some of the legendary Tony Greig's excesses seem mild by comparison.