Australia über alles
Shane Warne's German roots, England's secret Ashes weapon and more
Will Luke
20-Aug-2007
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For Shane, the war is not over
You have to hand it to him. He knows how to wind up the English, does Shane Warne, who might soon be known as Herr Warne following news that he is considering applying for a German passport. Warne's mother, Bridgette, is of German origin and the Deutsche Reisepässe just might enable him to play as a Kolpak player next season when the ECB restricts the number of overseas players to one per team. Only Warne, the master showman, could conjure up such an idea; only he could possibly become German. Imagine the colourful sledges belted out from the slip cordon: "Throw another bratwurst on the barbie" when he comes in to bat; "For you, the war is over" when he is dismissed. Or the headlines: "Don't mention the Warne" (© tabloids). The growling, demonstrative appeal twice each over wouldn't have quite the same impact, however: "Wie war das, umpire?"
You have to hand it to him. He knows how to wind up the English, does Shane Warne, who might soon be known as Herr Warne following news that he is considering applying for a German passport. Warne's mother, Bridgette, is of German origin and the Deutsche Reisepässe just might enable him to play as a Kolpak player next season when the ECB restricts the number of overseas players to one per team. Only Warne, the master showman, could conjure up such an idea; only he could possibly become German. Imagine the colourful sledges belted out from the slip cordon: "Throw another bratwurst on the barbie" when he comes in to bat; "For you, the war is over" when he is dismissed. Or the headlines: "Don't mention the Warne" (© tabloids). The growling, demonstrative appeal twice each over wouldn't have quite the same impact, however: "Wie war das, umpire?"
Global warming: England's secret Ashes weapon
It has not been a summer for batting - especially for league cricketers in the green (and damp, but very pleasant) land of Wales. One such club has waited the entire season for someone to notch a century, and there's just a week to go until they hang up their boots and massage their bunions. The abominable weather has turned decent tracks into corrugated mud baths; pitches are greener than David Cameron's wardrobe of ties. Global warming or not, this clearly plays into England's hands because, in 2009, Wales will host its first Test match between England and Australia at Sophia Gardens. Granted Andrew Flintoff might only be playing as first slip, the state of Michael Vaughan's knees will consume public consciousness, and Stuart Broad might have grown to 7ft 10in, but the Australians won't know what has hit them when they step onto the boggy marsh of Cardiff - let alone Sophia Gardens itself.
It has not been a summer for batting - especially for league cricketers in the green (and damp, but very pleasant) land of Wales. One such club has waited the entire season for someone to notch a century, and there's just a week to go until they hang up their boots and massage their bunions. The abominable weather has turned decent tracks into corrugated mud baths; pitches are greener than David Cameron's wardrobe of ties. Global warming or not, this clearly plays into England's hands because, in 2009, Wales will host its first Test match between England and Australia at Sophia Gardens. Granted Andrew Flintoff might only be playing as first slip, the state of Michael Vaughan's knees will consume public consciousness, and Stuart Broad might have grown to 7ft 10in, but the Australians won't know what has hit them when they step onto the boggy marsh of Cardiff - let alone Sophia Gardens itself.
My engine's bigger and faster than yours
Google and Yahoo!, the two Internet search engine giants, stomped all over Lord's last week in what can only be described as some filthy gloating of their enormous wealth and the fact that neither of them has proper jobs. Either that, or Lord's are increasingly desperate to appear hip and "down with the kids". The two companies, and Lastminute.com, locked horns, URLs and bucketfuls of data on the hallowed turf, cheered on by a decent (if singularly partisan) crowd of Googlers, Yahooites, and Lastminute.comers. According to MarketingWeek, "Yahoo! defeated Google 133-120," to take them into the final. "Just like a sentimental sports film, the outcome favoured both teams as the game ended in an honourable draw. And so the internet company battle continues next summer with all three teams seeking ultimate victory."
Google and Yahoo!, the two Internet search engine giants, stomped all over Lord's last week in what can only be described as some filthy gloating of their enormous wealth and the fact that neither of them has proper jobs. Either that, or Lord's are increasingly desperate to appear hip and "down with the kids". The two companies, and Lastminute.com, locked horns, URLs and bucketfuls of data on the hallowed turf, cheered on by a decent (if singularly partisan) crowd of Googlers, Yahooites, and Lastminute.comers. According to MarketingWeek, "Yahoo! defeated Google 133-120," to take them into the final. "Just like a sentimental sports film, the outcome favoured both teams as the game ended in an honourable draw. And so the internet company battle continues next summer with all three teams seeking ultimate victory."
South Africans flee to England to grow up
It's official: living in Britain makes you taller. Ryan McLaren, the Kent bowler, has dumped South Africa in favour of England where, he said, he "can grow ... as a person". Leaving aside his obsession with height, this is yet another feather in England's African cap and another depressing blow for South Africa. The argument has often been that those leaving South Africa open up opportunities for younger players who are committed to their country. But England, it seems, are skimming the cream off the milk. First Kevin Pietersen, then Jonathan Trott, and now McLaren, a bowler so highly regarded by Kent that they have tied him down for three years. He is unlikely to be the last to switch allegiances either.
It's official: living in Britain makes you taller. Ryan McLaren, the Kent bowler, has dumped South Africa in favour of England where, he said, he "can grow ... as a person". Leaving aside his obsession with height, this is yet another feather in England's African cap and another depressing blow for South Africa. The argument has often been that those leaving South Africa open up opportunities for younger players who are committed to their country. But England, it seems, are skimming the cream off the milk. First Kevin Pietersen, then Jonathan Trott, and now McLaren, a bowler so highly regarded by Kent that they have tied him down for three years. He is unlikely to be the last to switch allegiances either.
Go for it, Nass
He may not have shared Geoffrey Boycott's limpet-like defensive technique, but there is every chance Nasser Hussain can become a commentator capable of the Yorkshireman's spitting vitriol. The sight of former England players stepping gingerly from the field to the commentary box is fascinatingly watchable. Both Mike Atherton and Hussain took their time - not unlike their boggy strike-rates in Tests - to settle into their roles but both are now esteemed commentators; their opinions forthcoming, interesting and above all entertaining. Indeed, Hussain's fire as England captain is now reflected behind the microphone. "He's not driving well, he's not hooking and pulling well. It doesn't leave too much," he spat last week at Andrew Strauss' continuing failure. Utterly fair. "I've seen some poor umpiring decisions this series, but this is just ridiculous. If you come off for one cloud in England, you'll never play," he biffed after the umpires' comedy of errors in the India series. Utterly fair again. Encore, Nasser, encore!
He may not have shared Geoffrey Boycott's limpet-like defensive technique, but there is every chance Nasser Hussain can become a commentator capable of the Yorkshireman's spitting vitriol. The sight of former England players stepping gingerly from the field to the commentary box is fascinatingly watchable. Both Mike Atherton and Hussain took their time - not unlike their boggy strike-rates in Tests - to settle into their roles but both are now esteemed commentators; their opinions forthcoming, interesting and above all entertaining. Indeed, Hussain's fire as England captain is now reflected behind the microphone. "He's not driving well, he's not hooking and pulling well. It doesn't leave too much," he spat last week at Andrew Strauss' continuing failure. Utterly fair. "I've seen some poor umpiring decisions this series, but this is just ridiculous. If you come off for one cloud in England, you'll never play," he biffed after the umpires' comedy of errors in the India series. Utterly fair again. Encore, Nasser, encore!
Quotehanger
"England have to be very careful, because Matt Prior could wither and die."
Ian Chappell forgets that England's wicketkeeper is a human being, not a daffodil, after Prior dropped Sachin Tendulkar on the first day of the final Test.
"England have to be very careful, because Matt Prior could wither and die."
Ian Chappell forgets that England's wicketkeeper is a human being, not a daffodil, after Prior dropped Sachin Tendulkar on the first day of the final Test.
Quotecupboard
"The world of crime needs me now."
Dan Cherry, the former Glamorgan opener, sends a text message to Steve James and colleagues after being released by the club to pursue his new career ... not as a robber but a crime analyst.
"The world of crime needs me now."
Dan Cherry, the former Glamorgan opener, sends a text message to Steve James and colleagues after being released by the club to pursue his new career ... not as a robber but a crime analyst.
Will Luke is a staff writer on Cricinfo